Me? Mortal.....never!

It’s my birthday today….not too sure how I feel about that one!!!

It doesn’t matter how I feel about getting older as anything I say on the subject will inevitably be a cliché and sound crap. So, to avoid coming out with some tired old line I will just bury my head in the sand and deny that I am getting closer to death.

I might just take this one step further and start pronouncing that I am in fact immortal and will never age.

Never.

Yes, Paddy the immortal one. Time can not touch me. I can back that statement up with lashings of botox, (I’ve checked; there is a deadly little clinic by Lacmy).


Oh I feel better already.

Happy birthday to me
Happy birthday to me
Happy birthday immortal paddy
My d.o.b. you’ll never see

Mis-manager seeks suitable ''employment''

For my job planning and co-ordination are essential, lives literally depend on it. Those of you out there with more anal leanings would probably find this type of work rewarding or gratifying. The constant planning, schedules and compilation of lists might just send some of you into a ‘’micro-managing’’ frenzy.

I don’t. My natural state is one of mild chaos. I frequently forget important stuff like dates, events, where I am and what I am supposed to be doing there.

So why has my employment history to date been all about managing and co-ordinating stuff?

Anyone know any good guidance counselors?

I wonder if Emaar are hiring, that would suit me down to the ground. Chaos, and on a scale I would love. Massive.

To blab or not to blab……..

The appeal of a web blog was the ability to have a good ‘oul anonymous, reprisal-free rant.

Now I am dying to tell people about it so they can read it.

If I tell my nearest and dearest about my cyber-rantings I can not trash them online when they bug me..........which I will do!!!

internal struggle………my big mouth is battling my will to freely rant, which one will win……

Stressed Eric

What is the best way of getting rid of a stress headache*?

possible cures………listed in order of preference

walloping the person who is causing the headache

moving somewhere normal

going home for the day and watching oprah re-runs on mbc 4

*Stress headache………..feels kinda like an ice cream headache but not as much fun to get!

Nasty hairy parrots

So how was everyone's day?

Did anyone achieve anything worthwhile? Anyone save any baby orangutan from poachers, any baby seal from clubbers, any old ladies from reckless joyriders?

No. Me neither......I did get bitten by a ferret though. That was a lovely trip to A&E for a tetanus jab. I am not a big drama queen, the trip was justified. This was a ferret of dubious origin with beady little eyes. I didn't like the look of him at all at all.

The good 'ole language barrier kicked in again in A&E. Everyone though I was attacked by a parrot. There were several rounds of

''parrot?''

''No, Ferret, ''FER - RIT''

''parrot?''

''ferret, ffeerreett, a small think like a weasel''

''weasell?''

So in the end I told them that I was in fact bitten by a vicious parrot, with beady little eyes and a long furry tail which looked like a weasel (the parrot not the tail).

I wonder what tomorrow will bring........

Loosing the plot…..big time!!

Ok, concerned now. Spent the entire day yesterday (Sunday) convinced it was Saturday. Had that bitter Saturday feeling* all day. All my diary and calendar entries are dated Saturday. As far as I was concerned yesterday was Saturday. What happened to my real Saturday? Seriously, whats going on?

The plus side of this mini-meltdown is that my working week is actually a day shorter. Nice one!!

*Bitter Saturday feeling……
You out there who have a short weekend know what I am talking about. Those of you who don’t know (you with proper weekends) don’t merit an explanation!!!

Dubai Rant Free Zone (DRFZ)

Well, it's almost 6pm, thats the first day of the week done, 1 of 6!!!!!!!!.

I did not start this blog so that I could rant about people in Dubai, MUPPETS!

3 or 4 posts later I am finding it fairly hard to keep all rants at bay, muppets, muppets, muppets.........

I will rise above it, keep my fury at bay and resist the urge, but may experience occasional writer's tourettes (see above muppets).

Jaysus, I am quite bitter about my short weekend though.....

What a jip!!

Imagine, well try to imagine if companies in the ‘’normal world’’ suddenly decided to make all working weeks 5 and a half day weeks. Riots would ensue, rightfully so.

It’s just not right. Well over here it is the norm. 6 mornings a week you have to get up for work, not the usual 5. 6 I tell you. 6. What a jip!!

It’s Saturday morning here and my working week has started, again. So soon.

ho hum.....

fantastic plastic spastics

Someone (lets call them Paddy) says ‘’God I can’t stand yer woman, she is as fake as her tan.

We have all heard this before.

Being the person making this statement gives you automatic ‘’realness’’. I mean, if Paddy can recognise fakeness in all it’s plastic glory and does not like it, then by default Paddy is a non-plastic, genuine person.

But, if everyone you meet seems to come out with this statement, then what is wrong? Time after time I hear people complain about Dubai’s plastic population, usually during a late night booze enhanced Dubai bashing conversation. Why do so many people think Dubai’s inhabitants are all fake?

Is everyone plastic and blind to their own fakeness? Does our genuine self come across as not so genuine? Does the problem lie with the person being judged or with the person making the judgment? Are we all lovely, down to earth genuine people but complete spas when it comes to judging other people? Or are we all a bit fake at times?

I dunno, what d’ya think?

Blog this..... Blog that......

Well it has finally happened, Mr. Paddy Luddite has gone and created himself a blog....

Why? Dunno.

Why does every other person in the world seem to have one? To write? To be read? To rant? To get things off your chest? To let people have a peek at what goes on inside your head? To see what goes on in the heads of others?

Literacy, or lack thereof, doesn't seem to be a barrier. It definitely won't stop me, although it should.

Is it Dubai paranoia? Who may be watching, listening? Can you actually say what you feel? Depends on what you feel I s'pose. Do we need things like blogs for open expression, discussion? We have 7 days now, thats good isn't it? Still not too sure about this, IP addresses and all that. Maybe I have been here too long.

I might just go to Wafi for lunch and experience the fabled shopping and service. Mind you, I did hear that there are always 17 plain clothes CID in Wafi.......